Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I look better un-naked...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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