soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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