where am i from again
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
