If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
