Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
