I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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