so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
