youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
