It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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