The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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