My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
