Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
