if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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