wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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