there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
