i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did we literally take a cab across the street
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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