Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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