when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
