im about as happy as oj after his trial
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
