It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
