Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
