five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
