I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
