girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
