so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
