remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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