maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
