i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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