he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
