piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
