You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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