I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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