it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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