i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
