so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
