the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
