I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
