I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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