Umm I'm too high to move.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
