am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
