Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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