I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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