ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
