I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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