Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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