Your tits are I can't wait for
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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