I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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