They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
