I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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