my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
