I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
