my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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