that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
